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January 17 Long time goneI was kindly informed yesterday that it was time to update my blog. Here I thought no one read it.
It has been 4 months since my last entry. a LOT has happened.
I passed Orthos, went on to 6 weeks of paediatrics (which I didn't enjoy) and passed the integrated exam. Yes, I am indeed now a qualified doc (I would insert a smiley, but I'm not too sure about it at the moment).
December was a nice break - we had R's brother's wedding, which was awesome, I spent a lot of time with my friends from medschool, who have now all gone their separate ways. We moved to a lovely house just 7km away from the hospital I am working at - and I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to be 15 minutes away from home when you're dog tired most of the time.
Yes, indeed. I didn't want to believe it, but as an intern you work yourself to death (or others as is my case...see later...). I started at Helen Joseph on the 1st of January, and even had to be on intake that same day. BUT I guess it's better to jump in at the deep end hey.
When people joked and said they were slaves, they weren't lying. You do as you're told, and often you don't agree. But, I must say, I've come to realise that when I'm tired, I actually loose the circuit between brain & mouth that makes me appear like a decent guy - i.e. I fight back and stand up to people in authority! EEEKKK - ja, I did indeed become a doctor so I could be the boss, and now I'm back at the bottom of the food chain!
I guess that's life really. You go to primary school and are nothing till you're the big shot in 7th grade, only to go to highschool and become nothing again as an 8th grader. Then comes Grade 12 - where you're too "cool for school" (literally, and OMG for using that freaking saying, I really must be getting old). First year varsity sees you a nothing again, until you climb up the medschool ladded and reach your final year. BOOM, back to nothing as an intern. My pathology professor once said: "you think things will get better once you're an intern, then as a MO, or even as a registrar. BUT definitely as a consultant. Truthfully it doesn't, you're always the bottom of the food chain, cause someone else will always know more about a certain subject that you do". That's life I guess.
BUT I digress. December also saw me spending MORE money on other things. I bought a 24" iMac for instance and my gosh, it's freaking awesome!
I also in all my madness decided that I wanted to do the Palliative Care diploma through another university (which starts in February) - and although I am currently feeling abysmal cause I have lost 6 patients this week, I think it might become a vital part of any South African doctor's education. I had an elderly gentlemen who has a massive primary lung carcinoma, with mets all along the blood vessels & up into his thyroid, that I just couldn't face after telling him his diagnosis. It's something they try and teach you in medical school, but fail somewhat. Breaking such bad news has been harder than 6 years of medical school.
People who don't believe in HIV (and there are people like that as I found out around the Christmas table) should come and spend one day with me and see exactly the amount of devastation, despair and grief that it causes. I don't think I could put it better than Darren Hayes "I can't comprehend that you can die from love". People should stop all their stigmatization of HIV. It's here to stay. My unit consultant has also said something else that I thought is true. We should re-evaluate how HIV is spread. Perhaps we were wrong and ANY body fluid can transmit the disease. Indeed, what if you can get it from saliva (and NO we don't mean litres and litres as researchers suggest).
I'm listening to Sarah McLachlan tonight (R says I usually do so when I'm depressed) and maybe I am. You expect to be a healer when you graduate, and it becomes quite the opposite I fear - you feel like you are just prolonging the inevitable. I guess it's all about making people comfortable on the journey out... |
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